That Time of Year
by Thunder Explosion
Summary: A cloaked figure enters the guild one day and places a curse on all the dragon slayers, forcing them upon their true mates. Unfortunately, almost no one is happy with the outcome of their 'true mates'. Semi-parody with numerous crack pairings.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey shadow freak! Get back here now" Natsu screamed across the guild hall at one of Fairy Tail's many guests on this sunny afternoon. The guild hall was packed with mages from across the continent as Fairy Tail proceeded to brawl with several of their friends from across the land. Currently, Natsu was chasing after the shadow dragon slayer that he had fought during the Grand Magic Games. Rogue slipped into the shadows and raced around the guild's walls as Sting proceeded to kick Gajeel into Natsu.

"Sabers 1! Fairies 0!" Sting's excitement was short lived however, as a couple of ice attacks knocked him on his ass. Lyon and Gray proceeded to attack each other, though with Gray's devil slayer magic Lyon really wasn't making much progress.

Jellal and Erza, followed by the rest of the new Crime Sorciere guild, minus the two females, had entered the guild hall. Erza was getting ready to reprimand all the men in the guild, but Cobra's voice shattered her thoughts. "Now this is my kind of party! You're mine Natsu" he yelled a battle cry as he jumped in the fray.

"I forgot just how rowdy they can get" Jellal said to his comrades.

"They're all.. so loud" Midnight spoke. He began to walk over to Mira's bar and have a seat, as he sat across from the only normal looking person in the entire hall. He didn't take much notice of the cloaked man sitting next to him as he ordered a drink. Hoteye and Racer made their way over to Jura and Lyon, the latter being forcefully removed from the fight by a pissed off demon. Erza made her way to Kagura while Jellal, not really sure what to do at the moment seeing as all his guildmates left him, took a seat next to Juvia, Levy, and Lucy, who were currently discussing books they had read amidst the ruckus.

The only six left in the brawl were the five dragon slayers and Gray, who were now proceeding to tear the whole guild hall down over the bodies of random mages who dare stood in their way. Objects were sent flying everywhere as the onlookers proceeded to dodge. Midnight was using his magic to dodge all the objects effortlessly while he continued his conversation with Mirajane, but the cloaked figure next to him wasn't so lucky as a chair whacked him on the back of his head.

The slayers continued to duke it out before a voice was heard throughout the guild hall. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Everyone turned to look at the man (or at least, someone with the voice of a man) in the brown cloak as he stood up.

Natsu held a confused look on his face. "Who the hell are you?"

The man paid him no mind. "You damn dragon slayers are always a nuisance no matter where you go."

"If that's the case then why don't you get the fuck out of our guild hall?" Sting asked.

"It's not even your guild hall" Gajeel screamed at him. And just like that, they were right back at it again.

"Enough! This should shut you all up for a while" he said as he cast a bright light upon the guild. The man was gone when the light ceased and a strange purple glow surrounded the seven dragon slayers.

"What the hell is this?" Rogue asked as he was shocked at the turn of events.

Laxus had now abandoned his table on the second floor and stood over the railing. "What the fuck did you guys do?"

"How the hell should I know" Sting argued to the other blonde.

Suddenly, runes appeared on all of their bodies and all of them besides Natsu and Laxus began to writhe in pain on the ground. "The hell?" Freed quickly jumped toward Laxus as he noticed the ruines on him.

"Let me inspect these" he said as he began to translate the words onto paper. Levy, realizing she could be useful in this situation, made her way over to Natsu and started to translate his ruins.

Lucy had followed Levy closely, wanting to see what the spell on him was all about. He didn't seem phased at all by whatever happened to him and the rest of the dragon slayers, although he didn't appear to be feeling the full effects of it yet.

After a while, the crowd had subsided as most of the slayers had calmed down and were now laying on the ground. Levy and Freed wet to work trying to decipher the works behinds the spell. Gajeel stood up and made his way toward the two who were working on decoding the ruines, but stopped when he saw the scene at the bar.

Midnight had resumed his conversation with Mirajane once again, until Gajeel threw an iron club at him. "Back off her will you!"

The guild buzzed again as Gajeel attempted to tear Midnight limb from limb, although failing miserably. Most of the guild was wrapped up in the fight until a shriek pierced through the guild hall. "Juvia?" Lyon questioned. Everyone, including Gajeel and Midnight stopped on a dime to look at the source of the sound.

Indeed it was Juvia. And this Juvia had Sting on one knee in front of her with a bouquet of roses professing his love for her. Seriously, where the hell did he find roses in the guild hall anyway?

Lyon was pissed. "You blonde haired bastard! She's mine!" Those two were now caught up in a brawl. "Gray my beloved, hel- EH!?"

Juvia couldn't believe her eyes. Gray was trying to escape this whole scene in front of him, only to be held back by none other than the sky dragon slayer, who had her arms wrapped around his waist.

"Levy, will you hurry up and figure the damn spell out before everyone completely loses their minds?" Meanwhile, Rogue had sniffed the air for a second before heading behind the bar and down the stairs without a sound.

"I'm working on it!" Levy had been scribbling furiously before a forlorn look drew itself across her face. "Shit."

"What's wrong Levy?" Lisanna asked.

"This isn't a spell. It's a curse. And I can't dispell a curse."

"A curse? Like what Tartarus used?" Erza now joined the conversation.

"That could prove to be problematic" Kagura thought hard about a way to reverse everything. "What do the ruines say?" Freed focused in on the words they had written down.

"To calm a dragon's wild soul, true love must first be known, though crazy it may seem at first, the one you mark will quench your thirst, lust and desire left not to fate, these ruines ensure to find your true mate."

"So it's kinda like a love spell?" Erza asked. "That's so-so-so ROMANTIC!"

Just then, Cobra, who had finally woke up proceeded to the girls and Jellal and proceeded to grope the dark haired swordswoman. Kagura instantly smacked him in the gut with her sword. "Like hell it's romantic."

"Still though, why haven't Natsu and Laxus had a reaction to it yet?" Lucy asked.

"That's a good thought. Every woman that they know is currently here at Fairy Tail" Erza said. "So it is a little puzzling."

"Well I can't speak for Laxus" Gray, who finally escaped Wendy's grasp, said to them "but do you really think flame brain is even capable of noticing a woman?"

"That is a good point" Freed agreed "but they still should've had some type of reaction."

Jellal thought for a moment. "Not quite all of them are here just yet."

"Huh?" All the mages asked, but before Jellal could explain Natsu collapsed on the ground and Laxus fell over the balcony railing. "Looks like I was right. They're finally here."

The guild doors opened to reveal the two female mages of Crime Sorciere, Angel and Merudy. "We're here" the latter shouted.

The first thing the two noticed was that the hall was trashed. Everyone was acting strange, mainly the dragon slayers. Then they noticed Laxus and Natsu crawling on the ground towards them, both clearly in pain as the spell was finally taking hold of them.

Angel finally broke the silence. "Just what the fuck is going on here?"

...

A/N: yeah, this is just something I wrote up for fun cause I had a little bit of writers block. Somewhat of a crack fic. I wrote this at 1:30 in the morning yesterday (technically today I guess) and I finally decided to post it. Anyway, hope yall enjoyed it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. Like not in the least bit. Just the slightly demented plot of this 'story'.


	2. Chapter 2

The guild was in a state of shock to say the least. Natsu and Laxus slowly began to stand up as the effects of the curse began to wear off. A silence loomed throughout the guild hall after Angel's question was asked to the members and visitors. The silence, however, was broken by the most beautiful barmaid in the whole kingdom of Fiore. "This is the best day ever! Romance! Celebration time!" Mira then ran down to the cellar to break out the champagne while the rest of the guild stood dumbfounded.

"An..gel? Ugh" Natsu let out a groan as he stared at the white haired celestial mage.

"Really, of all people it had to be her?" Lucy voiced out, mostly to herself seeing as no one seemed to care what she had to say at the moment. Natsu just stood there staring at her while Laxus motioned for Merudy to come join his team, minus Freed, who was working on dispelling the curse. Sting was in a heated battle with Lyon over Juvia, Wendy was latched onto Gray while glaring at said water mage, Gajeel was trying to avoid ripping Midnight to shreds for staring at Mira when she walked toward the cellar, Cobra was still writhing in pain after Kagura slammed the hilt of her sword into his gut, and Rogue was still M.I.A.

Jellal, Levy, Freed, and Erza were currently sitting at a table trying to decipher a remedy for the curse. Clearly this was the best team to be working on such a case, as Levy and Freed were versed in script magic, Jellal's calm attitude and previous exposure to dark magic, and Erza is simply a fucking badass. However, even out of these four, no one in the kingdom of Fiore would guess that Jellal would be the first to snap. "AGGH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

Time seemed to stop as everyone, even Kagura, who was still busy pummeling Cobra into the ground, stopped to stare at the blunette's outburst.

_Well, if you really want me to explain that much, I suppose I could do you a favor Jelly._

Jellal looked around for the source of the voice, somewhat scared because no one else seemed to hear it. He looked to Erza with his mouth hanging open and pointed to the sky. Erza looked puzzled and wondered what he was motioning to.

_Just so you know, I'm not up there, and yes, you are the only one who can hear me right now._

_"Wait, why can't anyone else hear you?" Jellal asked and the guild stared at him in shock._

_"Jellal, are you talking to yourself?" Gray asked with concern while trying to fight out of Wendy and Juvia's grips. _

_Hahahahaha, they think you're talking to yourself._

_"Shut the hell up!" Jellal yelled, giving an answer to everyone's question. _

_Freed furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't understand. Jellal isn't a dragon slayer so why is he losing his mind?"_

_Don't worry Jellal, you're not losing your mind. I'm communicating with you right now because you're probably the most sane person here. Minus Freed, Laxus, and Mira, but Freed's thoughts about Laxus kind of disturb me, Laxus is kind of preoccupied with your guildmate at the moment, and I really don't wanna be inside Mira's head while she's fangirling over all these new couples._

_Jellal nodded in agreement. _

_Well yeah. For example, I know that you really like when Erza dresses up as a lingerie dominatrix and whips-_

_Heh. Looks like something is happening. I'll be back in a little bit._

Jellal shook his head for the hundredth time that day. He turned his attention toward the rest of the guild as the annoying voice left Jellal's head. He heard whispers, followed by Gajeel and Midnight shouting "Mira!" The two instantly clashed to fight over who would save her, but before a fight could break out Mira came rushing up the stairs crying tears of joy. "This is the best day ever!"

"Rogue?" Sting shouted.

Before anyone else could ask what happened, the shadow dragon slayer and Fairy Tail's scantily clad resident alcoholic came stumbling up the stairs. Both of them carried two bottles of whiskey in their hands as they leaned on each other for support, the smell of the vile (delicious!) liquor pouring off of them. That's when the guild noticed that Rogue wasn't really wearing much clothing; only his boxers and the sword that he carries around. The two let out flustered, drunken giggles before Cana shouted "I got a new drinking buddy!" Rogue then proceeded to pull the drunken woman up onto a table with him and dance.

Cana was urging others to join her and her dragon on the table as Rogue continued to chug whiskey and twer- er, dance, in front of the whole guild. Pretty soon Cana got all of the Lamia Scale, Blue Pegasus, and some of the Mermaid Heel girls dancing, minus Chelia and Lyon, who were still in the middle of the Gray-centric love, uh, hexagon? Heptagon? I'm pretty sure everyone lost count at this point anyway so let's just go. Anyways, yes, even Jura and Ichiya were dancing. Jura actually had some pretty good dance moves to keep up with the younger mages, moving along with some of the Blue Pegasus and Mermaid Heel mages. Ichiya, not so much.

The short ugly man had slid his way over to where Erza and Jellal were standing, and proceeded to strike a 'cool' pose for the Titania. In an attempt to woo her, he began to sniff around her haor seductively, only to be knocked out the front door by Jellal and Kagura, an echo of the word men hanging in the air as he left.

Jellal and Kagura smirked at each other briefly before Kagura realized who she was looking at and quickly turned her head away. Jellal put his hand on her shoulder as he tried to comfort her. Big mistake. "I don't like to be touched" she said, her hands going to her sword, "especially by you."

"Kagura" Erza muttered, trying to think of a way to calm her down.

At the same time, the love hexagon members were all sitting at a table, watching the dance scene unfold in front of them. Gray sighed. Juvia and Wendy sighed. The remaining three sighed.

_Oh for fuck sake, will you all cheer up already?_

Silence. Then "Who the hell said that?" Gray asked.

"Gray, Juvia thinks you're turning into Jellal."

Gray shook his head as he shrugged off the voice in his head. "At least Rogue is enjoying himself with this curse thing" Chelia muttered to Lyon, who nodded in agreement. He turned to make a smart ass remark toward his brother turn ghostly white.

"What's your deal Gray?" Sting asked. Gray looked toward the usual antisocial dragon slayer who was currently very drunk and dancing on the table with Cana still, hands on her hips as he pulled her closer to him.

Gray's lip trembled in genuine fear as he spoke. "Let's just say that Rogue won't be enjoying himself for much longer." Gray's mini harem thing looked at him awaiting an explanation, but the guild began shaking before he could continue.

"PUT THAT FUCKING THING AWAY BABE" Cobra's shout echoed through the hall as Kagura swung her sword at Jellal.

"Quit calling me that" she growled as she attempted to decapitate her mate.

"Kagura, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Shut up" she swung again at him.

_Hey Jellal, you probably shouldn't try reasoning with her. It's not very effective. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned after all._

'Will you quit distracting me? She's trying to kill me!'

_Just get out of there and go to the library. Have Erza fight ypur battles for you again because I have a mission for you._

'Why the lib- HEY! She doesn't need to fight anything for me. I've already put her through enough as it is.'

_Yeah yeah, blah blah blah. I can feel the angst leaking out of your thoughts. Repent for your sins and all that sappy shit. Geez you're a prude. You're lucky I even let you have her in this story._

'What do you mean by 'in this story'?'

_Just nevermind that part. Go to the library and find the damn book that I want you to get._

'What book?'

_You'll know what book it is when you see it. Now get out of here cause you're ruining my cheap entertainment. _

'I don't know who you are, but you're starting to piss me off.'

_I'm the one who controls everything that happens right now, and if you don't go to the damn library I'm gonna send Erza out to a romantic dinner with Lucy and have Kagura cut your head off. Think about it, get the book for me and Erza and you and her get married and have thirty little Jerza babies while ninety percent of the fandom squeals and I puke my guts out (I won't really puke but whatever), or you lose her to freakin LUCY of all people and Kagura chops your head off. Your choice._

Jellal didn't need to be told twice as he meteored off into the guild's back room, leaving Erza to deal with Kagura. After the most epic catfight in the history of Fairy Tail (or bunny fight, if you wanna imagine bunmy suit Erza vs. Kagura with her normal headgear; yay for fanservice) the madwoman finally sheathed her sword, but the shaking didn't stop. "Sting, you migjt wanna go get Rogue out of there as soon as you can, probably yesterday would be good" Gray said to the blond slayer.

"Bullshit. You just want me gone so you can stay here and have less competition for Juvia's heart!"

"Like hell that's true" Wendy shouted at him. The two slayers butted heads as the fight escalated. Rpgue was drunk and oblivious to everything around him until a large burst of crash magic shattered the table that he was standing on, now by himself. Gildarts grabbed the drunk man by his throat and pulled him close. "Listen up you little punk, if I ever see you making an obscene show like that with my daughter again, I will shatter you into a million pieces. Understand me?" The drunken slayer couldn't do anything but give him the shit eating grin that was permanently plastered on his face during his state of intoxication.

Probably the reason Gildarts threw him through the ceiling of the guild.

At 13:26 hours that day, the citizens of Magnolia were wondering why the hell Fairy Tail decided to ring the bell.

Nobody asked questions though. Nobody ever asks questions when it comes to Fairy Tail.

Natsu and Angel had been standing by the door quietly taking in the unfolding scene. Natsu finally broke the silence when Rogue went through the ceiling, followed by a pissed off and screaming Cana. "Do you have any idea what's going on right now?"

"Not a damn clue" Angel admitted.

Natsu hung his head. "So are we like, supposed to do something? Cause I don't really feel like getting involved in this right now."

Angel cocked an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you usually the one causing shit like this?"

Natsu sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, well-"

The brief conversation was cut short by Jellal screaming as he meteored back into the room, crashed into a pillar, got up like nothing happened, and started shouting again. "I found it guys. I found the damn book! Ha!"

Everyone had their eyes trained on him as the guild once again fell silent. Seriously, that's like the fiftieth time this story. That's gotta be a new record for the guild. Finally, Cobra decided to speak up since he could hear the question in everyone's mind. "What kind of drugs are you on?"

...

**A / N : So I've actually had this done for a week and my computer decided it was gonna be a little bitch and not let me get on the Internet. So I typed out the whole document on my phone and now I'm posting it. Made a couple of changes in the process so it might be better (I hope)**

**Yes I committed the sin all writers must try to avoid by breaking the fourth wall XD sorry about that.**

**Anyway, I planned on doing this earlier as today was SUPPOSED to be my day off, yet I got drug on some road trip for about four hours. Was fun but I had plans to do a whole lot of nothing today since I worked a 14 hour shift yesterday. And I have to be at work in not even 8 hours tomorrow. Being a responsible adult fucking sucks.**

**Anyway, I'm rambling. Tell me what you think in a review, also f&amp;f. But I'm going to bed. Goodnight and thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: alright, so last chapter I had a lot of trouble with italics, where whole passages got italicized and stuff got deleted, so from now on, if I talk, it's just plain text. Sorry if it's hard to understand. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this, please review! ;)**

**...**

Jellal waved the book around as he tried to explain what the voice had told him. "So yeah, this psycho voice told me to go grab this book."

I am not a psycho. And that is clearly the wrong book.

"What do you mean it's the wrong book?" Everybody started murmuring about how Jellal was crazier than the dragon slayers until Gray walked up to him, stripping his clothes off in the process, and placed both his hands on his shoulders. The ice user gave him a curt nod as they gazed deep into each others eyes, causing steam to burst out of a few of the girls' heads.

They're having a broment you sick fucks. Stop having dirty thoughts. Yeah Lockser, I'm talking to you.

Said water mage was currently passed out with a creepy grin on her face, eechi thoughts about Gray and Jellal, along with Lyon and Sting, filled her head. Gray cleared his throat very loudly to try and restore order to the guild hall. "Jellal, are you sure that's the right book?"

Jellal looked at the book in his hand. A very colorful picture of a screwed up looking duck floating in a pond on a sunny day with the title 'The Ugly Duckling' printed on the cover. "Damn" Jellal muttered as he zipped back to the library.

"This is bullshit" Natsu screamed out.

"What, having trouble trying to think, ash for brains?" Gajeel mocked him.

"What'd you say you walking junkyard?"

Cobra chimed in. "Gajeel has a point. I don't ever hear very many thoughts coming from your brain."

"You want some too Paint Thinner?" Before Natsu could go on another rampage and burn down the already trashed guild hall, Angel stomped on his foot and grabbed his ear.

"Alright Natsu, cut the crap. What's bullshit?" She released her hold on his ear and allowed him to explain.

Sighing as he rubbed his ear, Natsu spoke. "Well, I just can't help but feel like this whole situation is all Sting's fault."

"What?"

"I do have to say he does have a point."

"Rogue? I thought you were dead?"

"It's true though. Most bad things that happen in the guild hall revolve around Sting."

"Not you too Orga?"

"What about the time you brought those ferrets home and tried to start a farm with them?"

"Lacing Orga's cigar with cocaine is a memory I'd like to forget."

"And didn't Yukino get her nose broke because of your disco day idea?"

"In fact, all your special day ideas sucked. Toga Tuesday and Stripper Sunday were by far the worst. I've never seen Minerva in a more disturbing state."

"And who the hell would think that malt vinegar and crab alfredo ice cream would taste good? We all got food poisoning!"

"Or the week you went around dressed as Deadpool and scaring little children just cause you thought it would help you beat Rogue in a swordfight?"

"And the time you cut Jiemma's brake lines cause you thought it would help him make it to his conference faster and he ended up driving his car through the front of the guild hall?"

"My worst memory was when you switched the sugar with the salt. That was the most sickening coffee that has ever hit my taste buds."

Sting let out an exasperated sigh as he listened to his guildmates. "Are you guys done yet?" As if on cue, mostly because fanfiction is all about convenience, much like a 7/11, Jellal returned with a much thicker, ancient looking burgundy book. He set the book down in front of Levy, who opened it to the exact page that she needed to. Thanks 7/11.

"It says here that dragon slayers will have one mate that will usually be determined by age 30. Well, that's kind of late" Levy commented under her breath. "Let's see here, it says that since full maturity isn't usually reached in the human body until ages 24-26, a dragon slayer won't usually determine their mate until then. However, certain spells can be used to speed up the process."

"Well, we've seen that first-hand" Kagura spoke, attempting to keep a doting Cobra off of her. "What else does it say?"

Levy scrolled through her pages a bit more, turning to the next page. "When a dragon finds its mate, it seems that its most repressed personality traits become evident. It appears that the same holds true for slayers as well."

"Well that explains a lot" Lucy said, pointing to each of the slayers. "Wendy is kind and selfless, so it's only natural that her possesive side would kick in." Wendy gave a quick smile to Lucy before continuing to glare at Juvia.

Lucy continued "Rogue is very quiet and keeps to himself, so it's only natural that he'd be loud, obnoxious, and very touchy feely."

"He gets anymore touchy feely and I'll break his neck" Gildarts 'muttered'.

Everyone shivered in fear before Lucy continued her personality assessment. "Laxus is clearly going to be kind to Merudy and treat her like a queen, seeing as how most of the time he's an arrogant asshole."

"Hey" Laxus and the members of the Raijinshuu yelled. Lucy snapped her whip.

"I'm sorry, but the last time I checked, your motto was, and I quote, 'fuck all the bitches and get all the money'. Not to mention how you said your purpose in life was to succeed your grandfather by, and I quote again, 'taking over as master and breaking more shit than he did'. So can it Pikachu!"

Lucy was about to continue when Freed spoke up. "I wouldn't mind being a bitch." Lucy continued to say it was about the same situation for Cobra and Gajeel while everyone backed away from Freed very, very slowly. Juvia, who had just woken up, passed out again with her overactive erotic imagination going into overdrive, landing perfectly in Sting's arms.

"Sting likes to play coy with women, so it's only natural that he would fawn over Juvia like this. And Natsu" she trailed off.

"Will get smarter, hopefully" Gray smirked at him.

"At least I'm not stuck playing babysitter like you" the pinkette shot back while sticking out his tongue.

"Age is just a number, Natsu" Wendy piped up.

"And jail is just a room. The magic council has strict laws against sick acts like that" Doranbolt explained to her.

"When did you get here?" Erza questioned.

"And who are you to be giving lectures about pedophilia?" Jellal asked.

"Hey Fernandes, you and your guild are still wanted criminals. I could arrest you right now if I wanted. So shut it" he said.

"You couldn't catch me anyway" Jellal taunted as he meteored out the door.

Doranbolt shook his head. "I use teleporting magic. I could appear in front of you at any second" and he vanished.

"Well, if this is a race" and Sawyer was out the door.

Cobra was laughing like a maniac while he listened in on everyone's thoughts, Midnight was trying to trap Gajeel in a horrifying illusion so he could have Mira to himself, and Hoteye was dancing on the stage to a smooth jazz tune that was playing in his head.

Merudy sighed to herself as she stared out the door. "Am I the only sane person in my gu-LOOK A FISH!"

"FISH!" Happy cried as he and Merudy raced after the seafood.

Alright, I officially give up for now. You should probably let Levy finish reading the passage from the book. After that, I don't care. The rules are in place, once she's done, do whatever the fuck you want.

"Wait, so, we're free?" Natsu asked.

"But weren't we always free?" Sting joined in.

As the voice faded out, all the wizards in the hall were left questioning the meaning of their existence.


	4. Chapter 4

Ttoy 4

After the deliberation between most of the mages (mainly Natsu, Lisanna, Lyon, and Milliana) about the meaning of life, the guild was left trying to focus on what the hell could be said in that book as Levy continued to flip her little fingers through the pages. Not finding anything at the moment (7/11 must be closed) she let out a sigh and passed the book to Freed. Freed sat at the table and put up an enchantment to block out his guild's noise while he focused on the book. Which was now taking a, let's call it, moronic turn for the worst.

"Dammit Gajeel, I'm telling you Angel is way hotter than Mirajane!"

"No she's not! Mira was voted Fiore's sexiest woman by Sorcerer Weekly. Angel can't beat that!"

"That's because it only covers legal guild girls!"

"If you ask me, I still believe my Juvia-hime is the most beautiful woman in Earthland."

"Well we didn't, so shut up!" they both yelled as they punched Sting across the hall.

"Juvia really wishes you would quit calling her your princess, Sting" the water mage furrowed her brow in frustration before she began to slowly evaporate.

"I'm leaving before I get drug into this petty argument" Kagura commented toward Milliana. No response. "I said I'm leaving" in a little louder voice. Still no response as the cat woman was enveloped in her conversation with Lisanna and Lyon. "Milliana we're leaving!"

"Huh? Oh, okay. Bye, Kagura" she gave a little wave of her hand.

Kagura glared before muttering under her breath. Something about a scratching post, big box, automatic hair remover, and a trip to the slaughterhouse. "Duct tape a beak and feathers on her, she'll taste just like chicken."

No one really knows what goes through Kagura's head.

"If you" she pointed her sword at Cobra "even so much as entertain the thought of following me back to Mermaid Heel, I will chop you up and make a snakeskin coat out of you. Cobra."

Kagura walked toward the door and began to take her leave. Until a giant blast of wind blew her back into the guild hall.

"I won!"

"Bullshit! I'm the fastest man alive, there's no way you beat me."

"Declare me the victor and I'll keep you out of jail."

"We don't have to worry about that seeing as we can outrun you anyway."

Jellal stood with one leg up on something squishy that he couldn't quite figure out given his attention on the argument. He looked down to see the purple haired swordswoman glaring at him with a psychotic look in her eyes.

"KAGURA!"

...

"You do realize this is like the fifth time this has happened, right?" Gray asked as everyone looked at the rubble of what was left of their hall. All the mages made it out alright, though some were a little more beat up than others.

"The fifth time?" Lyon asked his brother.

"Whatever, as long as the basement is still intact and all my precious alcohol is safe" Cana mused. "Hey Rogue, wanna go back down there?" the brunette asked with a seductive wink. A loud crash was heard.

"Basement's just as broke as the rest of the place" Gildats smirked.

"Dammit Gildarts, you never let me have any fun!" Cana pouted in her drunken state on Rogue's chest.

"That aside" Lyon said dryly, although he was clearly amused "how does your guild hall get destroyed so much?"

"Well one time was the junkyard's fault" Natsu commented.

"Fuck you flame brain! I was following orders! If anything it was Lucy's fault!"

"Excuse me? How the hell was it my fault that you got all pissy and tore down the guild?"

"Well now that I think about it" Erza mused "everytime something like this has happened it's been after Lucy joined the guild."

"You know you could be onto something there" Gray jumped in.

"We never had nearly as much trouble with dark guilds until she showed up here either" Erza stated.

"Dammit Lucy this is all your fault!" Natsu shouted. "You should've never come to Fairy Tail!"

"What, so it's my fault just for being here? You brought me here so wouldn't this actually be your fault?" she argued.

Angel smacked Natsu, Gray, and Erza in the back of the head. "Dumbasses. Can't you see she's going through enough crap right now? Stop making stupid jokes!"

Natsu hung his head in a pout. "Yeah, yeah. You're right, I'm sorry. Sorry Luce."

"Sorry Lucy!" Gray and Erza chorused.

"Wow, um, thank you Angel."

"Wait, everyone stop for a second" Ren caught everyone's attention. "I'm a little confused as to why Natsu and Lucy are getting blamed. After all, wasn't it Kagura who leveled the guild hall?"

"Jellal shouldn't have pissed her off. We all know how she can get" Erza explained.

"Thanks, honey" Jellal said in a very dry and agitated tone.

"I'm confused too. I thought it was Sting's fault" Yuka spoke.

"YEAH! IT'S STING'S FAULT DAMMIT!" Toby started shouting.

"Not this shit again. Juvia!" Sting hollered to the water mage who darted toward Lyon, not wanting to invoke Wendy's wrath by latching onto her precious Gray.

Which said men were both engaged in conversation anyway, so the two women were glaring at each other anyway, along with Jura.

"So, how much is your average repair bills here per month?" Lyon asked.

"The figure must haunt Makarov's nightmare for sure" causing Gray to pale.

"Shit. Mira?" Gray asked in a very unsteady voice. "When's gramps coming back?"

Mira gazed over to the Kardia Cathedral to view the giant clock over the city. "Oh, probably in five minutes or so" she said with her ever permanent smile plastered on her face, seemingly oblivious to the implications of her words.

"We're fucked" Natsu and Gray said at the same time. They looked at each other before coming to a resolution. "Dammit Sting!"

"You realize this was Kagura's fault, right?"

"Yes, but no one would be dumb enough to actually blame her" Midnight reasoned.

"Speaking of Kagura, where is she?" Cobra asked.

"I think she left" Hoteye spoke.

"Oh, this is interesting" Levy piped up. "It says that if a dragon slayer becomes separated from their mate long enough their soul will wither up and they could die from a broken heart."

"What?" Cobra exclaimed. "She just had to leave didn't she?"

"So Cobra is gonna die?" Erza asked.

"You say it so casually" the man grumbled.

"Yeah, that's all fine and everything, but if we don't do something about this then the master is gonna kill us all" Gajeel panicked.

"Thanks, tin can" Cobra replied with absolutely no sarcasm in his voice whatsoever.

"You damn brats!" Makarov's voice echoed through the city. "What did you do?"

"We're sorry" the entire guild groveled on their knees.

"The last of the thirty million jewels went to fixing the hall after the Tartaros incident! Now we have no money to fix it again!"

Makarov grew to his titan form as he prepared to pull the largest scale punishment game in Fairy Tail history. Just then, Merudy and Happy returned munching on several fish. "What's going on?"

"They broke the guild hall" Laxus commented.

"Actually Kagura broke the guild hall" Jellal corrected.

"Because of you" Laxus shot back.

"Oh, I can fix this" Merudy smiled.

"What?" Jellal, Laxus, and the whole Raijinshuu asked in unison.

"Yeah! Ultear taught me some of her magic so I should be able to handle this" she chirped. Walking up to the hall, she moved past everyone and began to restore the entire hall. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she turned to see all of Fairy Tail bowing before her.

"Our goddess!"

"Our savior!"

"Young child, would you like to join our guild?"

"That's my girl!"

Merudy blushed a heavy shade of red at all the praise as most of the partiers made their way back to the hall. The only ones left outside were Team Natsu, Juvia, Sting, Angel, Cobra, and Merudy.

"So what's going on with this whole curse thing then?" Natsu asked.

"Well, I would assume that we're going to have to try to win over our mates" Sting reasoned. "Right Juvia?"

"Creep!"

"So, should I like, take you out to dinner or something?" Natsu asked the white haired woman.

"Wow, Natsu actually asking a woman on a date?" Erza asked incredulously.

"Never thought I'd see the day" Gray commented.

"I suppose, since I don't have anything better to do" Angel sighed in defeat as she walked off with Natsu.

"I have to go find Kagura" Cobra muttered as he left the premisis as well.

"He's going to Mermaid Heel?" Gray asked.

"It was nice knowing him" Merudy sighed. "I should probably go back to Laxus after what Levy said. Don't want her to actually be right about that statement after all" as she walked into the guild hall.

"I'll always be by your side though" Wendy said to Gray as she latched onto his arm.

"Well at least with half of them gone the hall should be a lot more peaceful" Gray muttered in defeat.

...

Jellal sat by the bar with a dark cloud over his head, beer in hand. Drinking from the cup, a depressing aura just radiated off of him, causing everyone to avoid him.

Alright, what the hell is wrong with you?

"I just feel like that with the story moving toward the romantic portion involving the dragon slayers that my lines are gonna be cut."

So you're an attention whore, is that it?

"What, no, it's just, I would love to be able to make a positive impact in the lives of my friends."

Come with me.

"What?"

I said come with me. I'll let you help dictate the pace of this story a little bit.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Come on, what could go wrong? I mean, if nothing else, you could at least have some fun with your friends.

"Alright, fine. I'll go with you."

In a flash, Jellal had dissappeared from the hall, and what may just be the most chaotic event in Fiore's history was set in motion.

...

**A/N: So Jellal has joined me up here. Other than that, nothing else to say about this chapter. Just leave a review ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

Ttoy 5

It was white as far as the young boy could see. White walls, white lights, the white ceiling, and white coats filled what little he could see through his half lidded eyes. Occasionally, a strand of his mother's garnet hair would find its way into his line of sight, and her panicked voice would reach his ears, along with many other voices.

"Please, help him!"

"Ma'am, we're doing everything we can, but his body isn't responding to the medication."

"No, you can't let him die like this! He's only five years old!"

All the voices went silent for a moment, allowing the sea of white in his sense of sight to overpower everything else. As he drifted off into unconsciousness, he heard the doctor say there may be something they could do to counter the poison in the boy's system.

Once everyone was out of the room, the garnet haired woman pulled her unconscious son into an embrace. "Please Er-

Jellal, what the fuck are you doing?

"Isn't this the next story chapter?"

Dude, that's not even the right story. I haven't even posted that one yet. So thanks for ruining that for me. Have you been going through my damn notes again?

"Well it was in tucked behind the pages for thee time in the year."

That Time of Year! Dude, are you drunk?

"Uhh, nope!"

Bullshit. Where's my beer?

"In my belly."

Great. You read all my notes, blabbed them to the world, drank all my beer, and why the hell is there a damn sqirrel in the kitchen sink? You're the worst houst guest ever.

"Well Merudy never lets me drink anymore."

I can see why. Anyway, where were we in the story?

"Well, Natsu left to go on a date with Angel, Cobra went to Mermaid Heel, and everyone else went back in the guild hall."

Oh, right right. Well, lets start with Natsu's date then.

"Are we interfering with him?"

We don't have to. This is Natsu we're talking about. He'll fuck it up enough on his own.

...

"Thanks for agreeing to come out with me tonight" Natsu blushed from his seat across from the white haired woman. Currently they were sitting in a very exquisite diner on Magnolia's south side that specializes in both meat and seafood waiting for said food.

"Wow, I'm really surprised that you know good food. Though, did you really have to order everything on the menu?"

"Hey now, don't be like that. You can have some."

"I would sure hope so. Damn Natsu, you really don't know much about dating, do you?" Angel asked.

"Well, I'm supposed to take you out to a nice dinner and ask you questions and shit. Then if we like each other enough we do it again, right?" He asked stupidly.

"You shouldn't put it so crudely, but yes, that is the general idea of a date. I'm surprised you even know that much" she commented.

"Then we have sex afterwards, right? Though I'm not really sure how that works."

"Bastard! Who told you to ask for sex on the first date?" Angel said with a furious red blush on her face.

"Well, I kinda read it in one of Erza's novels. That's really where I learned anything about dating" he shrugged.

Angel huffed. "That woman must have a serious perverted streak in her. No wonder Jellal keeps chasing after her."

...

So is that why you keep chasing after her?

"Oh shut up already."

Awe, Jelly-man is blushing.

"Can we just get back to the damn story?"

...

"So what is sex then?" Natsu asked. "All the characters in her book do it, so it must be fun."

"How the hell should I know?" Angel shouted.

"Well I thought you might."

"Natsu, that is a very personal question to ask a woman. But since you're stupid, I'll give you a pass. No, I haven't had sex before. Have you?" She still had an edge in her voice.

"Well I don't think so" he said, scratching his chin in thought.

"I'm pretty sure that you would know if you've had sex before Natsu" Angel deadpanned.

"But you said you've never done it before so how would you know?" He asked in a kind of smart moment. Well, smart for Natsu anyway.

"You're really starting to piss me off" she said as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "You should probably change the subject now."

"Um, alright. So how is life in your guild?" Natsu asked.

"Shitty. On the run, always fighting people, listening to Jellal whine about Erza, you know. The usual."

"Well, have you fought any strong opponets lately?"

"Natsu, I don't enjoy fighting like you. I've always had to fight just to survive. To protect my sister, then my life in the tower, then in my old guild I killed people. I was a person who used to take pleasure in people's pain Natsu." She looked away from him as she continued to speak much quieter. "I'm always scared that I'm going to become that person agaim everytime I fight. So I try to avoid it as much as possible. Though with the purpose of our guild that's kind of hard to do."

Natsu grabbed her hand, causing her to look up at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up such a sore subject for you. But it doesn't have to be all bad. All of us in Fairy Tail have had hard pasts, but we all have each other to lean on, to pick us up when we fall. You have your guild and us as your friends now. Plus, your sister is a member of Sabertooth and still adores you. So if you do start to slip back into the darkness again, we'll all be here to pull you back out. So just smile and live your life in the here and now."

"Natsu" Angel said his name on the verge of tears.

"Shit, don't cry! You're not supposed to cry when you're on a date!" Angel only smiled at him through the tears.

"Silly. I'm crying because I'm happy. I never really pegged you as the insightful type, but you really do know just what to say. I'll be fine Natsu, thank you for listening to me. Now let's eat cause I'm pretty sure that huge cart full of food is for us."

Natsu's eyes lit up like a little kid in a candy store. "Sweet!" Natsu started devouring the food, grabbing shrimp and steak and everything in between with his bare hands.

"You have no concept of table manners, do you?" Angel asked with a light laugh as Natsu paid her no mind. Angel just shook her head and poked at the salad and steak she had ordered, letting Natsu have time to fill his belly.

...

Alright, since that's not gonna make any progress for awhile, what with Natsu bloating himself and all, wanna check in on one of the other dragons?

"Sure, should we see how Cobra's doing or check in at the guild hall?"

Let's do the guild hall first. Cobra probably isn't even to Mermaid Heel yet.

"Alright, may I do the honors and take us there?"

Let me ask you a question first, Jelly-bean.

"Yes...?"

Do you really whine about Erza as much as Angel says you do? Cause I can see you getting all angsty going all 'I wanna see Erza! I wanna see Erza!'

"To the guild hall we go."

Hey, I wasn't finis-

...

"What are your intentions with our Laxus?" Freed asked as he stood about two inches from Merudy's face, Bickslow and Evergreen right behind him.

"Umm, we'll see where it goes?"

"We're getting married" Laxus answered, causing Merudy to gape.

"Now hold on Laxus. We need to make sure this girl is fit to be a part of the Thunder Legion. Granted, she'll never be as much of a queen as me" Evergreen said in a voice that was completely void of any trace of conceitedness.

"But we need to make sure that she's a good fit for you. After all, she would become part of the strongest team in Fairy Tail by default" Bickslow slung his tongue out.

"Yeah, so what's your point?" Laxus asked irritated. Freed spoke next.

"We're proposing a sort of trial to test her worth."

"She already passed the test" Laxus grumbled.

"For you but not for us" Freed answered. "I want to make sure that my Laxus-sama is taken proper care of."

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

"We're going to have the trial tomorrow at noon in Southgate Park" Bickslow said to the two.

"Be there little princess" Evergreen mocked as the trio began to walk away.

"Is your team always like this?"

"Just ignore them" Laxus commented.

"So is that a no for Southgate tomorrow then?" Merudy asked.

Laxus sighed. "May as well go. If nothing else it will shut them up."

"Awe, you're so cute when you're frustrated. Laxus-sama" she teased.

"Great, now you're gonna start calling me that too?"

"Only because I get this reaction out of you." Laxus smirked as Merudy cuddled up closer to him.

"I gotta say, you're taking this a lot better than most of the other girls. Do I just have that charm on you?" Merudy laughed.

"Don't get so full of yourself Pikachu." Laxus glared at her but it only caused Merudy to laugh harder. "I guess I'm just curious about the whole relationship thing after hearing Jellal go on about it for seven years straight. And you seem like a good guy, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Besides, Mira and Cana don't seem to have much of a problem with this either." Laxus snorted.

"Mira's a romance fanatic and thinks this is the greatest thing in the world, and Cana's greatest magic power is the ability to turn alcohol into regret. And yes, I'm talking about the same girl who mastered Fairy Glitter. She probably won't be so thrilled in the morning."

"Well I won't mind it if I wake up next to you in the morning" Merudy smirked as she leaned in closer to him.

"You might not be able to walk right though."

"I'll take that chance. Laxus-sama."

...

"I never thought I'd be caught in the middle of one of these" Mira smiled from her seat in between Gajeel and Midnight.

"Well, you could be in Gray's situation right now" Erza concluded. "I mean, a harem with two other young men, two preteen girls, and a psychotic stalker is the stuff dreams are made of, right?" She asked as she took another bite of her cake.

"She doesn't need a harem! I can satisfy Mira completely!" Gajeel roared.

"I beg to differ" Midnight argued. "I believe that I would satisfy Mira much better."

"Bitch, with all that makeup you're wearing you look like you belong in the mini harem thing satisfying the stripper!"

"Now now boys, there's no need to fight over me" Mira said with her ever present smile while the two men glared at each other. "Say Erza; where did Jellal go?"

"Oh, he was abducted by aliens. I think?"

"And you're not worried?" Mira asked.

"It's Jellal, he'll be fine. I have no reason to worry."

...

Oh, really? You have no reason to worry, do you?

"Dude, what's with that look in your eye? Shit!"

Get back here Jellal! Dammit. Well, seeing as I lost my co-author I guess we'll have to wait until next time to see the rest of what happens. NOW GET BACK HERE YOU BLUE HAIRED BASTARD!


	6. Chapter 6

Well, I hunted down my coauthor.

"Mmmph" he said muffled by the sound of the bandana tied around his mouth.

What the fuck did you expect? You ran off with sensitive information about my future stories and you stole all my beer. You really think I wasn't about to punish you?

Jellal had a dejected look on his face as he knew resistance was futile. After all, I am the author of this story. Technically, I can do whatever I want. And what I want is to continue this story. So you're gonna keep your drug carteled tattooed blue haired mouth shut while I narrate this story for the time being.

Muffled voices sounded from Jellal. Oh? You agree? Good! Now, let us get on with it!

...

Cobra stood outside the gates of Mermaid Heel, unsure of how to approach the all female guild. Yeah, yeah, he's one of the most powerful dark mages in all of Fiore's history, but that still didn't keep him from being scared of a bunch of pissed off females. Smart man, after all..

Remember what I told Jellal in chapter three? I think it was three, anyway, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Cobra took that message to heart.

Anyway, the poison dragon slayer stalked around the outside of the guild. Granted, most of the mages from the guild were at Fairy Tail right now celebrating at the party to end all parties. But the Master of the guild was still here, which made this journey all the more scarier. Granted, she was probably here to keep perverted men from breaking in and sniffing her beloved mage's panties, which Cobra couldn't disagree with such a cause. After all, there were a lot of fucked up men out there. But he wasn't one of them. He only wanted to be in the presence of his mate, and although he barely knew the woman, he was determined to mark her as his. Spell be damned, she would be his.

He crept around the gate and perched himself on the statue, listening for any guards or onlookers. Hearing none, he moved toward the inside of the hall. Still hearing nothing out of the ordinary, he continued toward the path of his love, listening for any stray mages that may have stayed behind and not enjoyed the party that Fairy Tail was hosting. He continued until he heard a voice behind him.

"I told you that if you followed me, I would cut you up and make you into my own personal snakeskin coat" Kagura's menacing voice sounded from behind the poison dragon slayer.

'How the hell did she sneak up on me' he asked himself, astonished that he couldn't hear her. After all, no one, even Natsu, was ever able to beat his superior listening skills. The only reason he was able to beat him in their fight was that he had a head full of nothing; literally too dumb to think, and that's what did him in. Also, Erza, Jellal, and Merudy were able to block his magic, but that's probably just because they were just who he said they were; Erza, Jellal, and Merudy. Probably the three strongest mages in Fiore. Well, next to Kagura, who was proven to be stronger than a Jupiter Cannon. Speaking of which, said Jupiter Cannon girl had a sword held to his throat.

"Are you deaf, or just plain stupid?" Kagura asked with a murderous glint in her eyes.

"You're such a gorgeous nightmare" Cobra smirked at her.

"What?" She asked, dumbfounded by the man's response.

"I've been listening to Escape the Fate too much. Just forget I said that" he explained quickly, not wanting his dumb response to be the death of him. Taking in her harsh glare, he could tell she wasn't in the mood for joking even without his hearing abilities to listen in on her thoughts. "Um, so how is your night going?" He asked lamely in a very casual voice, hoping to lighten the mood a tad bit, seeing as she still had the sword held to his throat.

"Aside from you thinking that you are entitled to grope me whenever you want, it's been a great night" she spat in yet an equally casual and lame tone. I don't even know how that's possible. Probably because she's Kagura.

Ouch. Well, at least Cobra knew not to get so touchy feely with her anymore. "I'm sorry Kagura" he said earnestly. Really, he was sorry. It wasn't like the strongest woman in Fiore holding a sword to his throat had anything to do with his apology, I swear.

Fuck, who am I kidding? Unless Mr. Bleach Drinker comes up with something smoother than a baby's ass, he's as good as dead.

"Look, this weird ass spell placed on me wants me to mark you as my mate" he explained. Still not removing the blade from his neck, Kagura let him continue. "I know it may seem sudden, but I feel like this may be a sign that I was meant to fall in love with you. I'm sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable, but if you could give me a chance then I'd like to prove I'd be a worthy man for you" he explained in an honest manner. Really, who knew the poison dragon could speak such honest and, well, corny words?

It wasn't like him dying played a part in this at all.

Kagura lowered her sword as tears began to drip from her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with your dilema" she muttered. Erik shot an eyebrow up at her statement.

"Why not? I mean, one date couldn't hurt, right? Unless, well, you're not already seeing someone, are you?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't receive the answer he thought he would get. Judging by her earlier reaction, however, he doubted it would be that simple.

"I am actually" she admitted. "After awhile of Millianna following me around, we kind of started a relationship. We had a lot of similar interests, and being in an all-woman's guild, we don't meet many men. So we decided to start a relationship in order to satisfy each other's needs" she explained as she hung her head. "And I haven't admitted that to anyone yet, so if word gets out about this I will kill you" she threatened as she sheathed her sword.

Cobra couldn't keep his jaw from dropping. "You're a lesbian?" He shouted, a little too loud for Kagura's liking.

"I told you to keep your mouth shut!" Kagura shouted, slicing her sword at him, to which he dodged. Mulling it over for a second, Cobra decided on what he needed to do.

"I promise I won't tell anyone" he told her as he bowed to her. "But that doesn't mean that I'm just gonna stop trying to win your heart. After all, it may sound selfish, but my very life depends on it." Cobra exited the guild shaking his head.

Just great. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do?

...

"Hey, Erza" Mira adressed the cake obsessed requip mage as she sat at the bar. "You know, this idea of two men fighting over me is really sexy, I'm not gonna lie."

"Yeah, I know how you feel" she admitted. "I felt like that when I watched Natsu beat the shit out of Jellal. However, he was always the idiot that put other's happiness before his own, and ended up letting Jellal have me" she admitted. "Not to say I'm disappointed, but I kinda wonder what it would be like if I would've given myself a chance to be with Natsu." She looked on wistfully, thoughts of both men filling her head as she stared off into space.

"Wow, way to steal my thunder bitch!" Mira gave a half-assed yell, reverting back to her old self for a second and causing a few of the patrons who weren't involved in the day's debacle to stare at her in confusion. Clearing her throat, she returned to her present bubbly self as she continued to make her point. "Anyway, although I do have two great men chasing after me, I don't think I could handle my own harem. So what I was getting at was that maybe you could take one of them off my hands, and since Gajeel's life is kind of reliant on my love for him, maybe you could take Midnight off my hands?"

Erza actually spat out her cake at Mira's suggestion. "You can't be serious right now?"

"Why not? He's cute" she beamed.

"Aside from the fact that I don't think that we are very compatible, I have a boyfriend Mira" she reasoned.

"Well your boyfriend is gone and probably won't be back for awhile" she said as she gave a wink to the sky.

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, I just do" she said casually. Somewhere, Jellal's muffled protests could be heard, but wherever that was, no one cared.

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?" Mira attempted to coax the redhead into doing what she wanted her to do. Erza thought for a moment before she grudgingly agreed.

"Fine. I'll go out with him. But only one date!"

"Yes! Alright, I'll let him know!" She beamed as she swooned over toward the gothic looking man.

...

"Hey, Juvia!" Lyon and Sting tried to grab the blunette's attention. However, her glare was focused on the young maiden of the sky, meanwhile completely ignoring the two thirsty boys.

Haha, since Juvia is a water mage, she'd be the perfect woman for some thirsty hard up teenager.

Okay, with that terrible joke aside..

Gray watched the scene unfold in front of him and could only shake his head at everything. Lyon and Sting were bickering about who loves Juvia more, while said water woman was in the middle of a fight with the guild's youngest member. And somewhere in the middle the god slayer of the sky had turned and began clinging onto the sky dragon, glaring harshly at Lyon. He had long ago stripped his clothes off in frustration at the mages.

This was just a level of idiocy that he wasn't comfortable with.

For God sakes, he'd rather be hanging out with Natsu than putting up with this shit. Speaking of which, where was that flame-brained fuck right now? Shouldn't he be starting a guild wide brawl, or invoking Erza's wrath, or showing off his 'moves like jagger' as he liked to call them. Gray shook his head at that thought as well. Natsu dancing was just something that he wasn't comfortable seeing. And no matter what anyone says, Natsu was not 'sexy', and he sure as hell did not 'know it'. That moron wouldn't know his ass from a hole in the ground anyway.

Alright, moving on from this shitty little love polygon. There needs to be some sort of plot development anyway. And Gray's eechi little Natsu thoughts don't count.

Ugh.

What the fuck are you staring at, stripper?

Gray stared up at the sky for what seemed like hours. Well, it really didn't, but it's a form of comparison. Anyway, said man finally worked up the courage to speak, seeing as no one was paying attention to him anyway. "Fuck you Kevin."

Well, right back at you you perverted ice prick.

...

**a/n. If you follow my other stories, One Last Sin should be updated tomorrow, To Kingdom Come shortly after that? Can't make any promises though, life has kinda been kicking my ass lately. **

**Reviews are always appreciated. **


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